oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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