I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
