Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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