Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
