i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
