this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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