I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
