Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just had sex on a roof
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
