you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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