I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
