Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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