i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
