I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
