ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Randomize
