As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
