I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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