Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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