I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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