i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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