Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
