i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
