Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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