grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
