He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
