how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
