She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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