I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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