I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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