bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
