You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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