6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
