from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
