i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i drank out of a bidet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
