How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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