Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
