i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
