i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
