ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
