it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
