i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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