a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
