i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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