I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Naked Twister starts at high noon
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
