I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
