Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
