Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
