I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
