I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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