did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
