we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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