Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
