when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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