You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
