I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
