I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
