he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
