Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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