Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
