I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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