Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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